Real life. A little girl in church is watching a wedding. She whispers to her mother:

– Mom, why is the bride all in white?
– Because today is the happiest day of her life!
– Oh… now I understand why the groom is all in black.

From the Paterikon. One brother asked an elder:

“Father, what should I do? I’m constantly judging other people.”

The elder replied:

“Well then, my child, eat more and sleep more.”

The brother was puzzled:

“How is that supposed to help?”

The elder answered:

“Well, while you’re eating and sleeping, at least your mouth is busy and you’re not talking — which means you’re not judging anyone.”

A priest is arguing with an atheist about miracles.
The atheist keeps insisting they don’t exist.
So the priest starts giving examples:

“Let’s say a man falls off a bell tower and survives. What would you call that?”

“Uh… that’s just a coincidence,” the atheist replies.

“All right,” the priest continues, “and if he falls off the bell tower a second time and survives again?”

“Well, that’s luck,” the atheist says.

Then the priest asks a third time:

“Suppose the same man falls off the bell tower a third time and still survives. What do you call that?”

“Uh… that’s… that’s a habit!”

An elderly pilgrim had been told to go see Father Dosifei.

But his name was unusual – hard to remember. So when the old lady happened to run right into the very priest she was looking for – without realizing it – she said:

– Father, could you help me out? I’m trying to find Father Pharisei. Any idea where he might be?

Despondency is when you long to take your soul out for a change of scenery, and it dislikes every view.

Just when you’re about to pray, “Lord, crush the bones of sinners!” – your own bones start aching so bad you don’t know what to say anymore.

It is better to lose five gold coins than to gain thirty pieces of silver.