"Father, I’ve accomplished a truly spiritual feat! I finally forgave all my enemies!"

"What wonderful news. How did you do that?"

"I blocked them all."

In one diocese, they appointed a new inspector – energetic, strict, and very eager to enforce standards. He decided to tour the remote rural parishes without warning.

So he arrives at a tiny village in the middle of nowhere, walks into the church, and sees an elderly, good-natured priest in a worn cassock bustling around near the altar.

The inspector, determined to establish authority immediately, sternly asks:

“Well-well, Father! Report to me at once – how are things in your parish with catechesis, missionary outreach, and youth ministry?”

The old priest scratches his beard in confusion, smiles warmly, and replies:

“Oh, my dear fellow… Catechesis is doing splendidly – our catechist’s goat Manka just gave birth to three kids.

Mission work is going well too. Our church warden, old Mykhei, went to the neighboring village yesterday for spare parts, and while he was there he explained to all the men outside the store why swearing is sinful.

But youth ministry… ah yes, that’s where we’re struggling. The only young person left in our parish is me – I’m only seventy-two. All the other 'youngsters' are already resting in the cemetery.”

Two young and zealous neophytes are arguing themselves hoarse:

“Is it sinful to sleep during the sermon? Surely that’s a terrible sin of inattention!”

So they go to the parish rector to settle the dispute.

The rector lets out a heavy sigh, takes off his glasses, and says:

“Sleeping during a sermon is only half the problem. The real sin is preaching a sermon that puts the whole parish to sleep.”

A young, tech-savvy IT guy comes to confession for the first time. He stands there for a long moment, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot, then finally approaches the priest and says:

“Father, I jotted down my sins… but I don’t have them on paper. I saved them in the Notes app on my smartphone. Can I read them from the screen?”

The elderly priest glances at the gadget, makes the sign of the cross, and replies:

“Go ahead. It’s a good thing you didn’t upload them straight to the cloud – Archangel Michael already has enough work dealing with our databases.”

An exam in homiletics (the art of preaching) is underway. A seminarian walks up to the lectern, pauses dramatically for a long moment, looks at the examination board, and finally asks in a solemn tone:

“Brothers and sisters! Do you know what I am about to tell you?”

The whole class replies:

“No!”

“Well then,” says the seminarian, “if you don’t know, there’s no point in talking about it,” – and walks off.

They bring him back: “Try again.”

He returns to the lectern:

“Brothers and sisters! Do you know what I am about to tell you?”

This time, deciding to play along, everyone answers:

“Yes!”

“Well, if you already know, there’s nothing left for me to explain,” replies the quick-witted student, heading once more for the door.

The professor, laughing, says: “One last chance!”

For the third time, the seminarian steps up:

“Brothers and sisters! Do you know what I am about to tell you?”

Half the room shouts, “Yes!” while the other half cries, “No!”

Without missing a beat, the seminarian replies:

“Excellent. Then let those who know tell those who don’t. As for me – I’m dismissed!”

A monk was very proud of his fasting. And then he had a dream that he was standing at the gates of paradise. An angel looked in a book and said:

– So, we're crossing out meat, milk, eggs from your menu... Wow, you didn't even eat fish! Amazing.

The monk beamed. The angel continued:

– But in the "People" column it says that for breakfast you devoured a novice, for lunch – an abbot, and for dinner – all the pilgrims whole. Go on, dear, digest that, there's no room in paradise.

A little girl is saying her bedtime prayer:

“Lord, please make all bad people good, and all good people even better. And please move the city of Rome to Africa!”

Her mother, hearing this, is surprised:

“Why would you want Rome to be in Africa, dear?”

“Because that’s what I wrote on my geography test!”